You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: have you ever shoved a toaster inside your vag?
You: i have
Stranger: Please be interesting?
Stranger: No. I have not.
Stranger: Interesting.
Stranger: How did it go?
You: burnt.
Stranger: I expect it did
Stranger: What possessed you to attempt this?
You: a strong urge to shove things into my vagina.
Stranger: I mean, it's a FREAKING TOASTER!
Stranger: Isn't that a mental disorder?
You: I know! But I love toast, and I love shoving things in my vagina. 2 + 2 = 4 I think
Stranger: I like the bumber 4
You: are you a boy or a girl?
Stranger: number*
Stranger: it is by far my favourite number
Stranger: Guess.
Stranger:
You: boy?
Stranger: girrrlll
You: oh
You: im a guy
Stranger: So you don't have a vagina.
You: I do
Stranger: You're a liar.
You: I don't lie
Stranger: Don't tell me its metaphorical
Stranger: Or imaginary
You: No, it's quite literal.
Stranger: Interesting.
Stranger: You're a guy with a vagina.
Stranger: Brilliant.
You: in fact, my fingers are shoved in it right now.
Stranger: My fingers are not.
Stranger: My fingers are far away from that zone.
Stranger: You know what's creepy? I just polished off some toast
You: oh, but this is soo much funner
You: hahahaha
You: try sticking it in your vag
You: its alot easier than sticking a toaster in
Stranger: I don't think I have your talent.
You: and if it's a really hot day, you may be able to summon the heat to toast bread
Stranger: Plus I'm particular with what I stick in there.
You: what do you stick in there?
Stranger: If only.
Stranger: Usually it's a penis.
Stranger: And usually it's only just the one penis. I know, I know
Stranger: I'm boring.
You: aha, why not like 3 penis's at same time
You: thats fun
Stranger: Like I said, I like the talent.
Stranger: Also I don't think I'd find three men willing...
Stranger: I don't know the right sort of people.
Stranger: I should join a swingers club.
Stranger: lack the talent*
You: Great idea, or you can do what i do....
Stranger: stick a toaster?
You: Walk up to random people on the street, and be like "Fuck?"
Stranger: does that work?
You: and then proceed to stick toasters in your vag
You: on numerous occasions it has
Stranger: So just any street, any person.
You: any
Stranger: Is there not a specific criteria? Location?
You: well....don't pickup anyone who lives on butternut street
Stranger: 'Only ask people at this time, in this place, with this look about' them sort of thing
You: they like to butter their nuts
Stranger: Butternut, right.
Stranger: I might like butter though.
Stranger: And I might like licking.
You: Hey, whatever works
Stranger: What then?
You: ooh, good idea
You: then go to butternut street!
You: it'll be an adventure
Stranger: Right, where is this street filled with people who like butter on their nuts?
Stranger: I like adventures.
You: You can find em pretty much anywhere
You: just go to mapquest.com and type in butternut street
You: I'm sure there's one near you
Stranger: you my friend are an infinite source of wisdom.
You: I get that alot.
Stranger: I certainly hope so. Maybe I can bring my own popcorn along.
You: GOOD IDEA!!!
Stranger: do you think they'd mind?
You: Not if they like to butter their nuts
Stranger: Of course, of course.
Stranger: I'm drooling just thinking about it
You: it does sound pretty good, I admit
Stranger: It'll be a much tastier snack than that toast.
You: I still like toast...and toasters
Stranger: I like toast. I like sticking sharp, silvery objects into toasters.
Stranger: So I guess Iike toasters.
You: now THAT is a mental disorder
Stranger: Hey, you can't judge me!
Stranger: You like sticking them into your vag.
You: that's true i suppose
Stranger: It is true.
You: I will stick anything in my vag
You: ANYTHING
Stranger: A chair?
Stranger: A car?
Stranger: Obama?
You: Within reason of course. Obama, hell yes
You: he had his head in there last night
Stranger: He has an ugly head. I bet he was hiding.
You: probably, but it worked for me, whatever it was he was doing
Stranger: But you must have some restrictions, some reservations!
Stranger: I refuse to believe that you'll stick anything in there.
You: well, I wouldn't go anywhere near a relative
You: that's about it
Stranger: What about if it was a small relative?
You: oh, and no animals
Stranger: They'd be less related to you if they're small right?
You: hmmm....I think you may have just found an excellent loophole
Stranger: Animals, none, got it.
You: I may divulge in that.
Stranger: I'm good at that, discovering loopholes.
Stranger: Not so good with the toaster in the vag.
You: Ok, I have a confession...About the "no animals" thing...I once shoved a gerbil in my vag
Stranger: Gerbil's are small.
You: yeah
Stranger: Curiousity?
You: no, I was really horny and couldn't find any toasters
Stranger: Did it feel different to Obama's head?
You: well yes, because the gerbil wiggled around, Obama just smelled
Stranger: Would you think about shoving another animal up there?
You: Probably
Stranger: Obama is quite smelly.
You: like a snake would be cool
You: have it slide up in there
You: with it's little tongue dealio
Stranger: although I haven't had the olfactory experience, I've heard about it.
Stranger: Ooh snake.
Stranger: I both admire and envy you.
You: do you know what you should do about that?
Stranger: No.
You: go do everything I just listed.
You: and more.
Stranger: I couldn't. I'm not that brave.
You: Become brave?
Stranger: I don't think it's possible. Wouldn't I have to go visit the old wizard of Oz or something?
Stranger: Have you shoved him up there? The Wizard?
You: Oh, of course I have. I visit him weekly
You: I also shoved the cowardly lion up there, but he got scared and peed a little
Stranger: Eww, cowardly lion pee.
You: I know right?
Stranger: Was it difficult to clean up?
You: a little bit
Stranger: I've never had a cowardly lion pee in my vag, but my cat peed on my hand once.
You: Oh, it's not the same
Stranger: Not quite the same of course.
You: peeing in the vag is much more satisfactory
Stranger: well hand cat pee was just really gross and smelly.
You: pee-in-vag isn't really that gross, it's just annoying to clean up
Stranger: I felt like the smell lingered for days.
Stranger: Well at least you can boast that you had a cowardly lion up there!
You: I suppose I could
Stranger: That breaks your no animal rule. Or is it different if the animals talk?
You: it's very different, because that makes them humanoid.
Stranger: Excellent. I assume you've had a whole string of famous talking animals up there.
You: Yes, in fact, I just got back from a sitdown with Scooby-Doo
Stranger: Again, admire and envy.
Stranger: Scooby Dooby Doo where are you?
You: in my vag!
Stranger: That should be made into a song.
Stranger: Or a book. Or a hit TV show.
You: or all 3 =)
Stranger: Scooby Doo in my Vag
Stranger: It could be the next big thing to sweep the world off its feet.
You: it would take the world by storm
You: and if it was a movie, it would crush the box office
Stranger: and then they'd come up with a cult like religion!
Stranger: And you'd have thousands of people shoving toasters in their vags in worship.
You: wow. I can see it now. The joy on their faces as they toast bread in their vagina.
You: Now, would you like to know what really hurts?
Stranger: Breakfast will never be the same again!
Stranger: what?
You: The time I tried to stick a set of steak knives in....that was quite the mess.
Stranger: Ooh, bloody.
You: yes, my dad wasn't too happy with me
You: of course, I told him it was a nosebleed
Stranger: I'd imagine.
Stranger: What a completely believeable lie!
You: I know, if it weren't for the fact that I forgot to clean up the knives....
You: he sent me to counseling for half a year.
Stranger: that doesn't seem too bad.
You: You didnt meet the counselor.
Stranger: At least he never had you locked up!
Stranger: I've met quite a few.
Stranger: They are horrible.
You: Oh! Have I met a fellow crazy?
Stranger: You sure have.
You: My life is complete.
Stranger: I take pride in my crazy. I wear it like a shiny badge.
Stranger: I may look normal, but it's there... that glint in my eye gives me away.
Stranger: I am happy to have completed you.
You: ahh, that glint
You: I have that glint. But that's only when I'm near a toaster
Stranger: I feel quite whole myself.
Stranger: Do you sneak into other people's homes to try their toasters?
You: Only occasionally, I got caught one time when I broke into the mayor's home...But I couldn't help it, I heard his toaster cost him several hundred dollars. It was just too tempting
Stranger: Was it stainless steal?!
You: yes
Stranger: I myself am unable to resist the lure of stainless steel!
You: it is pretty amazing
Stranger: Must have been awkward.
Stranger: Being caught.
You: Oh for me no? But for him...just imagine how you would feel walking into your kitchen to see somebody using the toaster you make your morning toast with, shoving it inside their vagina
Stranger: Did you give it back to him? Just slide it out and make your exit?
Stranger: Or did he insist on calling the police?
You: He tried to call the police, but I threatened to come back for his coffee cup. He let me go
Stranger: Cos' I know sometimes people go all crazy when they find strangers in their homes.
Stranger: What a decent man. He'll get my vote!
You: that's completely overreacting
Stranger: I know!
You: i quite enjoy people breaking in
You: it adds excitement to life
Stranger: It's a little exciting.
Stranger: Yes!
You: we are totally on the same page
Stranger: It's quite lovely.
You: very
Stranger: I like watching them sometimes. I try not to show my excitement, because it ruins the experience for them.
You: Yes it does. I've only watched one before. He had curious tastes, went right to the fridge and stole the peanut butter. Kinky, huh?
Stranger: I love peanut butter! Very.
Stranger: I wonder what he did with it.
You: Shoved it in his ass?
Stranger: Probably.
You: I am sorry to inform you our time together has come to an end. It is time for my therapeutic sessions with the bumbling idiot who calls himself a therapist. It has been fun talking about toasters, Obama, and steak knives. Goodbye.
You have disconnected.
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